Friday, September 25, 2009

"Boy Dumb" - Do you know what it is? Do you do it?

There are lots of different kinds of "closets" that we hide in.

Okay, I'd never heard this expression before:

Boy Dumb

Turns out it means "When a girl who had high grades in junior high dumbs herself down so boys will like her more in high school."


Have YOU ever gone "Boy Dumb?"

I think this really plays into the whole fear of being honest about who you are - that worry about how can you be loved if you are... too tall, too smart, too feminine, too masculine, too thin, too fat, too plain, too pretty, too quiet, too loud, too not-what-the-object-of-your-affection-might-want-you-to-be.

Here's a secret: The person you're going to be happiest with, is the one you can be absolutely YOURSELF around. No lies. No facades. No trying-to-be-what-they-want.

Just YOU. Flaws and all.

Because THAT'S love.

First, you gotta love yourself, for being you. Because THAT'S EVERYTHING.

The rest will flow from that.

Cause think about it. If you're smart*, you wanna be with someone who LOVES you for that!


*or Gay, or Tall, or any and everything you are...

ps- I found out about this "boy dumb" phenomenon from Angela Leo, a musician with a fantastic goal: She wants to get a girl/girl love song on the radio! Go Angela!

pps- I made the cool "boy dumb" word art at this website here! You can customize your own!


Lisa Jenn said...

I've never heard the expression "boy dumb" before, but I sure have friends who have done that! So maddening to see someone who is smart as well as beautiful do that in an attempt to be better liked. If I meet someone I like, I go the other way. I want to impress them with my keen intellect and quick wit!

Anonymous said...

Lee, I went to school in San Diego in the 1970's, I'd say 75% of the girls or more (including me) went "boy dumb" starting around the 7th grade. I moved away so I can't speak for the others, but it has affected my life ever since, and I regret it like you wouldn't believe. The boys are long gone, and sadly so are the opportunities to experience the joy of learning and excelling in subjects that were of great interest to me.

Suzanne Young said...

Great post, Lee!! I didn't do Boy Dumb--I did the competitive route. (Such as, I like you. And I can beat you in Mortal Combat, in Math, at the Science Fair, at basketball...) Which I think works better in the long run. :-)

pussreboots said...

I didn't go boy dumb in high school. I also didn't date. That didn't happen until college. Going "boy dumb" though is a big theme of The Dragons of Spratt, Ohio. I still need to review it on my blog.

Naomi Mellendorf said...

Just found your blog today, and I LOVE it! The "boy dumb" post has me almost in tears here in my school office. I'm 38 now, but I remember a very specific moment in junior high when I said to myself, "I will not dumb down to have a boyfriend." One of the best decisions I've ever made, though painfully lonely at times.
Naomi Mellendorf
High School Librarian
Park Ridge, Illinois